Our life as of December 10th.

So here is what has been going on. Luke is done with school except for his finals next week. He failed his math class because his teacher was an absolute idiot, and it was up to him to learn it out of the book by himself. Not the easiest thing to do when you are taking 11 other credits and working 40-60 hours a week and you have a family. He tried his best but decided to call it quits a week ago. He is going to retake it next semester with a teacher he knows is good. Needless to say, a lot of other people failed that class this semester too. After finals, Luke will have a two week break and get back to it in January. "A Means to an End." That is our mantra. Also, for those who don't know yet, I am pregnant again. We were going to wait a few months before saying anything but then people started asking and I didn't want to lie, and then conversations were overheard and feelings got hurt. Even though it really is our news to tell, we didn't want to, but we gave in and told everyone else who didn't know. I am due August 1st, 2010, which makes me almost 7 weeks. Way too early to be saying anything, but its out now. That is 3 weeks less than I "should" be, according to my last cycle, but that is what happens when you have those pesky cysts. Speaking of which, I had an ultrasound done today (that is how they figured out the EDD) and they said I have a pretty large cysts on my left ovary, so they will be watching that and making sure it doesn't get any worse. I also have tendonitis in my right shoulder, which means that I shouldn't be typing right now, oh well. I have to wear a sling until the end of December because they don't want to give me steroids because of the pregnancy. It is hard sitting around doing nothing all day, especially when I can't drive. But Luke is super nice and takes me out for a drive occasionally :) Also, I threw up for the first time, and that was yucky. I think I am figuring out how to manage the nausea though. I just have to eat an ounce of something every hour. All in all, I am actually doing really well. They say it's all in your attitude and mine is quite upbeat for the time being. I was very surprised. I think a lot of why I am so positive is because we are really excited for this baby! We had been told it would take a long time to concieve, and so we were geared up to wait for at least another year, and the news just came so unexpectedly. We are both thrilled. Christmas for us this year is going to be very modest. That is the game when you are poor. No tree, no gifts. Well, we got a couple things for Emma to open. But that is about it. We are focusing on other things, and how blessed we really are. Also Luke and Emma's birthdays are both coming up, and we just decided it's going to be the three of us, for both events. We really cannot get enough time together as a family :) Anyways, that is what is going on in our neck of the woods. We hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Halloween 2009

So this year for Halloween, Luke had to work the whole weekend, so on Friday, Emma and I went to my Mom's ward Halloween party. Emma had a ton of fun, me not so much. I spent the entire time chasing her around because she still does not understand that when you leave, you have to come back eventually. Oh well. Then on Saturday we went to my niece Isabel's baptism early, and I forgot to take pictures, because we were rushing, and ended up being late. Later that day, we went trick-or-treating with my sister in law Rachel and her kids, Isabel, Elliott, and Hazel. We got treats up and down Main Street in Springville, then we had some pizza and did a few more houses in their neighborhood. I was exhausting, but fun. Emma kept trying to take a million pieces of candy from everyone who was handing it out. :) She ended up filling up her entire pumpkin. Now I don't know what to do with all that candy! It was nice though, because we went out early enough that Emma was in bed by 7:30pm, and I was in bed by 9pm, after some much needed relaxation time. Here is some pictures of the whole event.




Emma's first experience eating a sour punch twizzlers candy.
Playing the games.
Grammie J and Emma eating a cupcake she got from the cake walk.
Main Street in Springville.

Family time.

So yesterday was one of the few days a month that Luke, Emma and I actually get to spend some time all together, and we were determined to make the most of it. We carved pumpkins, roasted pumpkin seeds, and watched Baby Mama (haha!) We were also supposed to have some friends over for dinner last night, but since everyone is getting sick, they had to cancel. So we decided to have a calorie-fest! We made homemade macaroni and cheese and for dessert we had chocolate souffles. Having never made a souffle, I was quite nervous, but they turned out perfect. We topped them with some homemade vanilla bean whipped cream and they were uber-delicious (yeah, thats a word! :) It was a perfect ending to an awesome day of togetherness.

We used veggie oil, mrs dash, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Emma even loved them!
Luke's pumpkin, he said he always cuts the mouth too low :)
My pumpkin, a heart with an arrow through it.

Sorry about all the recently heavy topics, but here is just one more to add to the collection. Only a couple of people know that Luke and I are trying to get pregnant again. This month I was very late, and took a pregnancy test and got a negative. I went and got some blood work done, and it turns out that I am not pregnant, but I have ovarian cysts. They are not super serious, I don't have to have surgery or anything, and they aren't crazy painful. But, it will make it difficult to get pregnant again. The reason I am late is because I haven't ovulated for almost 2 months. So my body timing is really off. I know it is stupid, but I really want a baby, and Luke really does too, and it would be good for Emma. I just feel like I am letting my family down because it's my body that is screwed up. I hope that everything will work out. But, in the meantime, would no one ask me if I am pregnant, or when we are planning on having another baby. It's hard enough to try and not think about it.

you don't have to read this - I am just venting.

Okay so I need to vent a little bit. Mainly, because I am not one of those people that don't want other people to know that I am struggling, and so I act like everything is all hunky dory. I HATE it when people act like that! Mostly because I am not one of those people. If you ask how I am doing, I will tell you. Does anyone know why I am so honest about my life all the time? Because I want others to know who I really am, and not who I am pretending to be. I am not generally one to offer a lot of information, but if you ask me about something, I will not lie to your face. I am not so naive that I think I can make it through this life on my own. I am going to need a lot of help, and a lot of friends and family. I used to feel badly about this, thinking that it made me weak, when in actuality, it just makes me stronger than everyone else who is afraid to admit to that. Everyone needs help. And those who think they don't are kidding themselves. Okay, now I am done.

The biggest thing I hate about myself, is I let everyone off the hook, except myself. Out of me, I expect perfection. Like this morning. My foot was really hurting me so I decided instead of exercising and possibly injuring myself, I would forgo exercising today. But then I felt kind of relieved. You should know this about me: I hate exercising, I think it is a necessary evil, but the point is that its necessary. I do it because I have to. I am sick of being fat and so I run and run, and get no where. Anyways, so feeling relieved...then I felt guilty because I was relieved and wondered if my foot was really hurting me at all or if I just think it hurts so I didn't have to exercise. Then begins a full hour of self loathing. You are fat, you are ugly, you are lazy...which turns into, you are worthless, you are dumb, and so on and so forth. This is my problem. I don't cut myself any slack. Even though Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I had exercised for 3 hours a day, I should still be getting my butt up and exercising on Friday too, which I usually do. And I know no one can fix this but me, I am just unsure how to fix it. Also, there is a person in my life whom I usually vent to (after Luke, because he usually doesn't have time) and lately instead of listening and validating my feelings and concerns, she just tells me how to fix the problem and eludes to the fact that she could be doing a much better job at raising my daughter than me - because heaven forbid Emma should ever get sick. Because normal children never get sick, so I must be doing something seriously wrong. By the way, Emma has never had soda, she hates juice, we VERY rarely ever even give her things with sugar in them. I try to feed her as healthy as I can while still making sure that she actually eats once in awhile. It is just very frustrating when other mothers whose children are all grown think that they know everything just because they did it a few times. No one knows how better to raise my daughter than Luke and I do. That is the problem with age and youth. Age forgets what is was like to be a new mother and wife, and youth doesn't yet know the feeling of needing to share all the wisdom she has learned, even when its not wanted, just to be helpful. Everyone has their own style of parenting and its not right for any mother to judge another. This is a very frustrating day.

Our week.

So this month for family dinner I made pumpkin pie bites. I got the idea from bakerella.com but decided to make some changes to the recipe. They turned out great and I topped them with some vanilla bean whipped cream.






my happy girl at 21 months.
I got home from grocery shopping and we still had bags all over the counters, and Emma decided she wanted some milk. So she pulled the brand new jug off the counter, and of course it was too heavy for her, so it basically just fell to the floor and the jug split open. Luke thought it was really funny, and Emma tried to help clean it up.

DISNEYLAND!

So this past weekend we went to Disneyland. It was Emma's first trip and we were so excited to go! It was during Halloween time, so that was cool to see all the different decor. After all was said and done, and we were driving home, we said that this was the absolute best and absolute worst trip we have ever been on. First of all, Emma was super good throughout the whole drive, both ways. We only stopped 5 times for gas/to stretch and she was great! Aided of course, by the DVD player. :) She thought the room we stayed in was awesome, because she has never stayed in a hotel. She was bouncing all over the walls, but when bedtime came, she was pretty good. When we were putting sunscreen on her in the morning, we put it on her face, avoiding her eyes, but she still rubbed it in there (both days!) and we had to do eye drops, and her face was bright red for a good hour. She loved running everywhere, and all the kids, and most of the rides. Some scared her a little, like pirates, haunted mansion, and fantasmic freaked her out with all the thunder and the creepy laughter. But she loved the teacups, jungle cruise, winnie the pooh, the carousel, and dumbo. The problem came when we had to get her off the ride. She FREAKED OUT! She was probably thinking, jeez, I just found this awesome ride, and now you guys are making me leave it?! Yeah, that was no fun for sure, and after about 5 rides of that in a row, we were not having so much fun. She wasn't like that after every ride, especially the ones that scared her, but enough that we decided not to come back until all of our kids are 42 inches tall and can ride everything together. She was 4 inches too short to ride any of the roller coasters, so Luke and I took turns riding a few things, but we knew that going into it, that we were mostly going for Emma. Anyways, so that is my little shpeil about our vacation. Here are some pictures to go with it.

Looking so cool in her new sunglasses
The Celebrate parade we watched on Main Street
Getting dizzy and lovin the teacups

Candy corn sign in California Adventure
Cool Halloween pictures Luke took


On the carousel a few different times
Happy Girl!
Emma and Luke hanging out on the Jungle cruise
the "piranhas" scared the crap out of her!
Always climbing.


Luke on California Screamin. Our fave ride.
Exploring in Toon Town

The Dumbo ride
Luke and Emma waiting in line for her first ever ride: Dumbo
The room we stayed in.