A Sad, Sad Post.

So, Luke hasn't worked a single day this week. Yeah, that's about how good I'm doing. Between Lilah having croup and basically being inconsolable for the last 3 days, and me not being able to do anything, that's what we've had to do. When I say I can't do ANYTHING, that is no dramatization. I used to be able to do all the laundry, fold it and put it away myself. Now I get so exhausted just sorting it and putting it in the washer. I can walk from the front room to the bedroom, and on a bad day, I can't even do that by myself. I can't pick up either one of my kids, without almost falling over myself. I haven't been able to stand long enough in the kitchen to cook, even with Luke's help for weeks now. What do we eat, you may ask? Packaged food. Mac and cheese, frozen pizzas and the meals our ward brings over. It is a very sad existence. If you have seen me leaving my house, always in pj's, it's due to a doctor's appt (which now come weekly, unless something is abnormally painful, in which case, it's a trip to the hospital), or to go for a drive in the car - either for my sanity, or lately for Lilah's. And worst of all, I am basically green with envy over the women I know who keep getting their babies early, sometimes weeks early. I feel that in my situation, I am certainly deserving of such a miracle, but for some reason, my babies are super cozy. I asked Luke today how they could be so comfy inside when I am in so much pain on the outside. He didn't have an answer. That's another awful thing. My poor husband, who has just stuck lovingly by my side through all of this, is suffering too. He wants so badly just to help me, and ease some of my pain or depression, and he feels horrible when I honestly say there is nothing he can do. We talk everyday about how we just want it to be over. The only piece of good news, is that my induction is set for the 6th of February. Exactly 39 weeks. Which means I have 17 days left. It seems like not a lot, but everyday is like an eternity that won't end. I get excited for bedtime, because it means another day is gone, but then I realize I can't sleep well because of all the pain, and I get sad again. I know there are so many people praying for us, and we appreciate it so much! If you are one of them, please keep doing it. That is the one thing that we need most.